Love your body

It's time to stop hurling abuse at yourself and learn to love the skin you're in. Samantha Dobson delivers six ways to help you silence your inner mean girl. Have you criticised your body today? If you're anything like the other 97 per cent of women in the world today, the answer will almost certainly be yes. A new American survey reveals that the average woman has no less than 13 ‘I hate my body' thoughts daily - that's more than one for every waking hour. Not only is this a waste of time, it's a slippery slope to depression and even lower self-esteem. Here's how to embrace your body, flaws and all. 1. LOOK BEHIND THE SCREEN Become aware of the negative body thoughts sneaking into your consciousness and ask yourself, ‘Is this really about my body?' Devika Singh, psychologist at Dubai Herbal and Treatment Centre, explains that self image is largely based on our perception, which can change according to our circumstances. "If we're having a bad day, we often take those negative emotions out on our body, rather than directing them at the real cause," she says. Singh suggests stepping out from behind the screen and addressing the real issues. "When you catch yourself feeling down about your physical appearance, make a mental note of what the problem really is. If you suddenly think to yourself, ‘my thighs are huge', try to rationalise it. You've had those thighs all your life, why suddenly hate them now? Maybe it's because you had an argument with your partner and you feel under-valued. Instead of focusing on the real issue - disharmony in your relationship - all you can think of is how fat your thighs are. All the squats in the world won't make you feel better, because your thighs weren't the problem to begin with. Recognise that being unhappy in general is a much larger factor in your body image than what your body actually looks like." 2. DON'T FRET OVER EVERY FORKFUL Picture this: A plate of cupcakes appears in the office kitchen. One co-worker selects one with chocolate frosting. Her colleague hovers, hesitant. Reluctantly she pulls herself away, but returns later, quickly scoffing the last cupcake before her conscience stops her. In the end they both consume the same, but who enjoys better health? Research at the University of British Columbia, Vancouver, suggests that women who obsess over their diet don't actually weigh any less than those who generally eat what they want. Lead researcher Jennifer Bedford concluded that constant worry over food can end up chipping away at women's health. "Women in the study who obsessed over their body showed chronically elevated levels of the stress hormone cortisol, even when their life was not otherwise stressed. As a result, many suffered from elevated blood pressure, menstrual problems and lower bone density. This is an important discovery since one in four women over the age of 50 is currently affected by osteoporosis." Adopting a healthy attitude towards food is worth it for both mental peace and optimal wellbeing. 3. REWIRE YOUR BRAIN Negative talk has become an accepted part of the way women bond, with friends and colleagues getting together and tearing themselves down. "Fashion magazines, our growing celebrity obsession, beauty industry marketing - there are only so many times you can be hit with the message that your body isn't ‘right' before you start beating yourself up for not being as perfect as you ‘should' be," says Ann Kearney-Cooke, an American psychologist specialising in body image. "Studies in neuroscience demonstrate that whatever you focus on shapes your brain. If you're constantly thinking negative thoughts about your body, that neural pathway becomes stronger —and those thoughts become habitual." So, if you know that constantly thinking negatively about your body teaches your brain to focus on the bad stuff, why not flip the script? "It's absolutely possible to create neural pathways that favour affirming thoughts," says Kearney-Cooke. She suggests keeping a pen handy to note things you do that make you feel good about your body. Make friends with the person you see in the mirror. Say ‘I like me', until you believe it. "Doing this puts positive stuff front-of-mind and gradually starts becoming instinctive." 4. MOVE IT! Those who work out regularly tend to report fewer harsh thoughts than those who don't. And it's not just that being physically active improves your shape and health; it actually boosts your mind-set, too. One study found that women felt better about themselves after exercising even when their bodies didn't actually change, suggesting that the feeling of achievement played a bigger role than weightloss in boosting body image. And, exercise doesn't have to mean misery. "Our bodies have a natural desire for physical activity," says Devika Singh. "Exercise can mean many things, from the gym to team sports to yoga. These all increase the awareness of your body and its needs, which in turn creates a deeper sense of inner connection. We are much more likely to treat things we feel deeply connected to with respect and gratitude. Whatever form your exercise takes, it's a great way to innoculate yourself against the negative thoughts that wriggle their way into your sacred mental space." 5. PLAY YOUR STRENGTHS Appreciate your body for what it does, rather than how it looks. Next time you're cursing your wobbly arms, pause and think of their purpose, for example, allowing you to hug your friends and enjoy life. All the while you're bashing your body - for being hungry when you're trying to diet, for being flabby when you're trying to be toned, for being exhausted when you want to work out harder - it's been there for you. "Play up your strengths," says Singh. "Comparing yourself with others doesn't help anything. Focus on making the most of what you've got." Hold your head a little higher and walk a little taller. That attitude is absolutely magnetic. 6. EAT THE DAMN CAKE Every now and then, it's important to spoil yourself. Whether it's a box of fresh veggies from the Dubai Garden Centre's farmer's market, or a bowl of Vanilla Fudge ice cream, loving your body is also about loving your taste buds. Kate Fridkis, 36, from New York created the blog "Eat The Damn Cake", which challenges the notion of body image and beauty in the modern woman. "I think it's absolutely absurd that I, or any other woman, should have to waste time feeling unattractive. So I don't. Instead, every day I write something I like about the way I look, and why I like it. Write about yourself while eating seriously good chocolate cake - it's pretty inspirational and I highly recommend it." For more feel-good wisdom visit Kate's blog: www.eatthedamncake.com Rachael Hugill, 39, has been in Dubai for the last 17 years and works as a hair stylist and makeup artist. Working in the fashion industry can be intimidating when you aren't a size zero and even the most confident women have doubts. But according to Rachael, it's simply a case of overcoming them. "I'm happy with my body although I never used to be. Working in salons and on commercial sets back in the UK I often felt that other girls were thinner, prettier and more perfect than me. I was constantly on some diet or other but remained consistently overweight and unhappy with my body. My husband and I left England and moved to Dubai in my early twenties when I was pregnant with our eldest daughter. "After she was born, I had this turning point; I actually decided to just give up beating myself up. From that moment I made a conscious decision to accept myself for the way I am. I forgot about dieting and focused instead on enjoying being a mum. After a while I realised that by choice I was exercising and cooking wholesome, healthy food. Over time, weight just fell off without trying and it's stayed off. I may not be perfect but I'm perfectly happy this way."