Here's how to cope with jealousy

Tanya Datta gets experts to tell you how to cope when you feel insecure and turn green with envy, on seeing your guy with other women Do you get annoyed when your man hangs out with his female pals? Well, you are not the only one who feels like that. There are thousands of women who are in a relationship and feel insecure when their man is around beautiful women. It is true that guys value confidence and an independent woman is a huge turn-on for them. So women it is time to turn a new leaf and maybe get him to chase you once again. Expertspeak Dr Kanan Khatau, clinical psychologist, says, "A woman usually behaves in a jealous manner when there is a history of emotional upheaval which goes back to her childhood days or her previous relationships. This fear over shadows their personality which affects their behavioural pattern in a way that they start hounding their mate. This indeed makes it difficult for the man to live with such a woman. They live in a matchbox and want their partner to do the same - to be and behave like them. Over the years, I have seen a lot of similar cases where it is the man who is outgoing and more social and the woman cannot take it. I suggest if your feelings are genuine then you should tell your partner that you are bothered. If he is understanding enough he will not abuse the freedom you have given him. Also, it's best you be upfront with him from the start. For, if you fake your feelings, when you are dating, thinking you need to give him space so that the relation works out initially, it may backfire later when the couple gets married. The real self of the woman comes out later and she becomes clingy. Not a good sign at all." Seema Hingoranny, psychologist, adds, "I tell all my female clients not to suppress their emotions. Because if they do so, it will ultimately come out in a negative way and will end up in fights or a cold war. There are women who either have a problem of being a little jealous or are way too jealous. Either way the trick is to talk things out. Express your feelings when he is in a better mood and make him understand how you feel. Try not to accuse him because it may end up in a fight." How can you overcome jealously 1Acknowledge your own weaknesses and flaws. Most of the time feelings of jealousy stem from our own insecurities. Learn to love yourself first. 1. Accepting your flaws will help you understand yourself better and will help you accept how you are. 2. Learn from your past relationships and how your negative behaviour affected them. Getting upset and insecure can be the main reason for your troubled love life. Focus on what is happening infront of you otherwise you might find it difficult to separate fact from fiction. 3. When you have a jealousy pang just take a deep breath and think calmly as to what evidence do you have for your thoughts. When you come up with the answer, see whether it is real or simply your distorted perception. 4. Take the help of your partner when you feel low and have that sudden pang of jealousy. When in public, agree on a gesture or a sign that you both understand that will cue him in on how you are feeling. So, that he can be by your side to give you emotional support when you need it. A simple gesture like holding your hand or putting an arm around you can make a difference. But then he can do that only till a point. After that it depends on how you deal with your feelings.