Jennifer Aniston and Catherine Middleton London - Arabstoday Boring beige? Alarm bells rang when I heard that John Lewis wants to revamp its ‘fuddy duddy’ image. Its marketing director proudly announced: ‘We can be accused of being beige, so we’re trying not to be.’ In retailing terms, this is known as ‘doing a Ratner’— remember when the boss of the High Street jewellery company foolishly said he thought some of its products were ‘total c**p’? Its shares plummeted afterwards. Perhaps Craig Inglis of John Lewis thought he was being trendy, but he couldn’t have been more wrong. From the Duchess of Cornwall to Cheryl Cole, the fake-tanned TOWIE women to Coleen Rooney, they all want beige — shoes, beige frocks and beige bags. Beige is elegant, desirable. Shame Mr Inglis doesn’t have his finger on the pulse of fashion, in spite of appointing a new team to help him rebrand Middle England’s favourite retailer. In an interview with Marketing Week he talks about modernising the store’s image, including its much-revered ‘Never Knowingly Undersold’ slogan. The store has subsequently said there are no plans to dump its 86-year-old unique selling point. Worse, he says that the retailer is ‘15 years behind Tesco’ in terms of its relationship with customers. In a storm, do you pop on a pair of paper shorts and paddle through the water with a bit of balsa wood? Or do you opt for something solid and dependable, recommended by a knowledgeable sales operative? That sums up my attitude to John Lewis in a nutshell. There are times in life when you don’t want two for one, disposable, or dangerous. W hen it comes to purchases, we’re a bit like biscuits — a mixture of beige, with nutty bits. Occasionally we buy silly things, gadgets we’ll only use once, ridiculous shoes and sexy undies that lie unworn in the drawer after their first outing. But the vast majority of the stuff we consume needs to be beige — as in totally reliable, value for money. I don’t want my sheets to be on-trend. I want them to last, not go into holes after a year of being laundered. Ditto for my towels. If I want curtain rings or a lampshade, I’m not trying to make my living room look like an outpost of the Playboy club or the set for Graham Norton’s chat show. I want quiet, understated, good taste to showcase my wacky JSP bits and pieces. The High Street is suffering as the pace of economic recovery slackens. Food prices in the UK are rising at three times the rate of comparable economies, which means we have less to spend overall. Research shows that many of the promotions offered by supermarkets aren’t worth anything — for every price cut on one item, there’s a price increase on another. Our supermarkets are at war with each other, bombarding us with discounts, BOGOFs, vouchers and deals. In this environment, John Lewis seems like an oasis of reasonableness and calm. Last year, its sales rose by over 10 per cent and so did profits, but now, even they are finding trading difficult. Last week, sales were down by 0.8 per cent. But the answer will not lie in producing a ‘value’ or ‘economy’ line, or a faux-posh range like the ‘luxury’ stuff offered by rivals. Its strength lies in just being Beige John Lewis. Another reason why we like the retailer is because the 69,000 staff get a share in the profits. This undoubtedly affects morale and filters through to customer service. At Tesco, shareholders have been increasingly critical of executive pay — and the new boss, Philip Clarke, is receiving a salary that’s lower than his predecessor, Sir Terry Leahy. Even so, if Clarke hits all his performance targets, he could receive £7 million for a year’s work! There’s only one way that obscene figure will be achieved — by you and me spending a lot of money at Tesco and bolstering its profits. A survey of executive pay at blue-chip companies showed that bosses enjoyed a pay rise of 32 per cent last year, while average company profits rose just 7 per cent and workers’ pay increased 2 per cent. According to a leading think-tank, two-thirds of us would like the Government to intervene and try to reduce the gap between high and low earners. Never mind emulating Tesco, John Lewis should stick to what it does best. Forget silly adverts, mindless promotions and un-necessary re-branding. It could start by axing Mr Inglis and his ill-conceived marketing plans. We’re beige and proud of it.